Hop on NINETEEN

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Hop on NINETEEN
make me remember why


The Archangel, such a beautiful artwork, don't you think? Ripped it off the net.

Past midnight, whilst i receive messages flooding my inbox, i overheard a conversation my mum had with my brother...
Mum: "Oh, so you had to stay for lunch and dinner for his birthday..."
Brother: "ya la ya la..."
I was like, HUH?! They remembered? So cool.
In fact, they always remembered my birthday - after some time and after some obvious hinting...
This year might be different, they might have remembered mine!
But no.
They were talking about Aaron's friend's birthday party.
-.-
Nothing about me.

She only remembered a few minutes ago this morning, and she was like, "Dallas, is today your birthday?"
My reply? - "No, it's not."
She walked to the kitchen & look at the calender... Then went off to do her chores. After a while, she questioned, "Isn't your birthday on the 22nd of November?"
I'm not replying...

Mum asked me a few weeks ago whether i wanted cake for my birthday in November. My reply was, obviously no. I mean, with her current financial standing, i don't want her to waste money for a cake for a family celebration.
I mean, what is there to celebrate?
Oh wow. Yes, ONE MORE YEAR WITH YOU DALLAS! & yes, mummy still don't know anything about you!
What i want in life, my favourite colours, my favourite food, my ideologies, my lifestyle, nothing.

Zilch.

Surely, NINETEEN is not gonna be a family bonding year.

What's in stored for me? Hmmm. I don't really know. But i guess i am ever-prepared to face any mountains in life, as usual.
Although i've outgrown lots of things, i feel that i want to relive them one by one with someone i love... But nahs. Nineteen is not a time to be thinking of "aww. sweet childhood...". Maybe repressing these memories are the reason why i am child-like by nature.

My blog is like a ranting ground. I tell myself, no D, don't rant & remorse.
Life's too short. But well, it's only human to do so, ain't it?
Hahas.
I mean, c'mon.
I doubt anyone understands much of my scribbles anyway.
It's just for me, myself and i.

My bolster. Yes. The bolster, some close friends know about.
Well, nevertheless, i am only human. I need a daily dose of TLC, concern and affection.
Where do i get this from? My bolster of course.
Soft, Sweet and Cuddly.
It's like a delusion or a trance i put myself through, to wake up a stronger person.

It's an efficacious vaccine i inject myself with everyday so my every-other-day is bright and sunny.
I mean, independence is so overused, it sounds almost barren when i describe how these nineteen years have gone by. You can never get strong 'enough'.

Even something small, like a bolster has its meaning in my life.
So, the next time you poke fun of it, think twice.
Without it, i won't be who i am now.



Yes, D is a complicated guy who's tired trying to be simple all the time.
Let me live my own life now.
If you don't get my life, i doubt even studying antropology would help better yourself.
I'm too tired to explain it anymore.
I have a handful of very close friends that do understand, and even if they don't, i'm sure they would do their best to. That. Is enough.

It'a a new year with my brave face on.

Labels: feelings validation, pensive thoughts

10:07 AM on Saturday, November 22, 2008